but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
