Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
