Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
