so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
