awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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