Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
