Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
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