i would punch a child for taco bell
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
