O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
