We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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