mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He did a backflip because drugs
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
