Can i not drive my cunt home
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
