Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
