put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
