I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
