i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
