LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
