whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
