If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
