Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
