I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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