Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
