This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
