it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
