As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
