I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
