you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
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I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
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Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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