dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
