If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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