Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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