wat bout pragnant strippers??
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
