Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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