I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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