I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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