My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
