i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
