my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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