you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
