you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
