K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
