It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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