So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
