Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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