There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
