So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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