obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
