The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Randomize
