yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
