Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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