I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
