But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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