That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
