p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
