I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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