she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
