Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
