The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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