Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
