she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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