I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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