You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
