god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
