Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
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He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
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Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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