nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
