so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
