NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
