woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
