yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Terrible idea I love it
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
