mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
