They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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