hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
