In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
