so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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