I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
