i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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