I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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