I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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